UNFRIENDLY FALL

There was a guy running on the treadmill alongside of me. I paid him no mind. I was too lightheaded to notice when the guy stepped off and kept my focus on smacking that rotating conveyer belt in a trance and didn’t even sense another guy stepping up a few moments later—then SUDDENLY, I was snapped out of my dream state by a loud thumping/thudding/slapping sound. It happened so fast. My side eye caught this guy diving face forward and then there was a flash of the top of his head shoot past me, while his body shot off of the machine. I heard the poor bastard skid and screech across the cardio floor behind me.

I quickly realized Cardio Guy No. 1 had hopped off of that damn treadmill without shutting it off! He left it running at full speed. Cardio Guy No. 2 stepped into that moving platform assuming it was stationary, because"”HELL-O"”no one else was using it! He flew out of that machine like a human cannon ball. It must’ve been quite the “oh shit” look on his face while he went down and out.

“Fucking IDIOT!” I huffed over my earphones, obviously referring to Cardio Guy No. 1. What kind of tard doesn’t know to shut off a cardio machine after using it? Did he figure the machine would shut off automatically? Stoopid! I just shook my head with desbelief and disapproval. I couldn’t help No. 2, cuz I was still hawling ass on turbo. Nobody else bothered to help him either. He just limped away from the cardio floor. This is LA for freak’s sake!

I glanced over and realize that this evil treadmill was still set at top speed"¦just"¦waiting. In his humiliation, Guy No. 2 forgot to shut it off. I was majorly annoyed at this point. All this cardio drama was depleting my endorphin levels. I did the logical thing, which was to reach over to shut it off. HOWEVER, logic left me when I reached for that damn button while I was still running in place. So YEP, you guessed it, I kid you fuckin’ NOT! I completely lost my footing. My right shoe hit the side of the treadmill, causing my left foot to lunge backwards. I went “OH SHIT” and my ass went DOWN. Only instead of shooting out like a slingshot, I sort of bounced off that machine and tumbled across the cardio floor.

I quickly jumped to my feet to save whatever little face I had left. There was a sting on my knee and a pinch in my left ass cheek. Everyone slowed their rolls to look over at me"”not because they wanted to help, but more out of fear that they might be next. People were flying out of treadmills. It’s not everyday that you see two guys fall out of two different cardio machines and eat caca back to back.

I get the giggles when I get embarrassed, which can be embarrassing in itself. But it was no giggling matter when the freshly fallen Cardio Guy No. 2 approached me and said, “That’s what you get for calling me a fucking idiot!”

My bottom lip landed on my lap. I would nevah call someone a fuckin’ idiot–not to their face anyway. I couldn’t respond, or explain. I shook with embarrassed laughter, as he limped away in a huff. Needless to say the cardio workout was OVER! I’ll tell you this much though, that entire messy episode had me feeling more than a little light headed on my way home, but it was mostly from laughing so hard.

You gottah love LA, even if LA doesn’t love you.

Luv,

Me