I suited up and showed up accordingly in my red semi-sheer tank top with The Hiss Fit.com stenciled across my tits for a cheap shot at self-promotion at a Gay Day at Disneyland on Saturday, October 1.
I didn’t know what to expect. I had never been before. My friend Dan got me a ticket to celebrate his birthday, so I was ready to get down with a cluster of gays and witness whatever it is that gays are supposed to do when they take over a theme park.
Were gays supposed to bust out into some flashmob dance moves? Take over Fantasyland and create their own t-dance? Or put up a curtain and create a dark room in the darkest corner of the Pirates of Caribbean ride (I’ll say it again and again: If there’s a gay, there’s a way)? Did I think gays would hi-five each other, exchange a secret handshake or give each other a hug and squeal with delight every time they saw a flash of red turn a corner? I guess not. Not really. My point is, I didn’t know how to behave.
A Gay Day at Disneyland is sort of redundant in every meaning of the word gay, whether it’s in the happy or homo sense, or even when you talk about it being gay in a bad way for those who like to hate on this happiest place on earth.
I’m sorry, but Disneyland is SOOOooo gay.
Turns out, Gay Day at Disney really is just another day as far is Disney Inc. is concerned. The real link to the events is a weekend called Gay Days in Anaheim, which are three days packed with a kick off party, pool party, gatherings, live performances, celebrity appearances, group photo ops, scavenger hunts, private meals, and much more at Disneyland and the surrounding areas in Anaheim. At a cost, of course.
According to folklore: Many, many years ago, Disneyland used to have a private party one night of the year for gays and lesbians. I believe it was called Gay Night at Disneyland. When the event was canceled in 1998, Gay Days Anaheim was born, which is based on a similar theme in Orlando, Florida that is known to attract over 100,000 gays and lesbians from around the world each June. Like the Orlando event, Gay Days Anaheim is a “mix in,” meaning gay people force themselves upon unsuspecting straight people, who have no choice but to mix with the gays, because how could they know that the day they chose was marked red? Yep, the park is open to the general public. Also like Orlando’s Gay Day, everyone wears RED shirts to identify one another for a show of numbers.
So unless you sign up for Gay Days Anaheim (which we didn’t), you show up in your gay color and that’s pretty much it. You stand in line and ride the rides, you acknowledge this homo and that homo over there, and you try to stay out of judgement and restrain yourself from giving a queen the the side-eye and screaming, “Bitch, that’s not RED! That’s MAROON!”
And speaking of wearing red, you can’t help but pity the straight fool who showed up at Disneyland wearing a whorie red shirt that day.
We met one while we waited in line at The Haunted Mansion. He was a youngish dad with his wife and two daughters. He was kind of sexy in his red shirt. He leaned into me and said, “I never wear red. Ever. And of course the one day I decide to wear red is the day when red is gay. I called my gay bud and he was making fun of me.”
I thought it was hilarious.
Dan was not impressed.
I thought the guy was being friendly.
Dan thought he wanted to make it clear he wasn’t gay, like it was a bad thing.
I thought he had a sense of humor about him looking like a big gay.
Dan thought he was secretly gay.
Whatever the case, aside from this young lady who offered me her french fries at California Adventure (inwardly I was offended—“Do I look hungry bitch?”–0utwardly I say, “yes, thank you…” just to be polite), that straight guy in the red shirt is the only man who went out of his way to speak to us that entire day.
Anyway, I had a real blast. It’s Disneyland! How can you not?
Of course, it would’ve been nice to see every employee at the Disney park wearing a red Gay Days shirt, but there were still a number of employees walking around the park with rainbow props and offering to take people’s photos, as if to say, “We see you. We acknowledge you. We love you. And we love your money. You disgusting, DIRTY homos.”
Just kidding about that last line.
For more on Gay Days in Anaheim, visit: gaydaysanaheim.com.