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December 29, 2017



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The quote you see below is still floating all over the internet to this day.  This gem comes from the Windy City Times website; I believe the year is 2003.  I was shit-kicked into rehab only 10 days into 2007, so you can only imaging the level of insanity that was my life during that time.


aa quote


Some of the shit I wrote in the column “Luv Ya, Mean It” for FAB! Newspaper was quoted a lot back in the day.  Gay reporter Rex Wockner had a syndicated column called “Quote on Quote,” which compiled soundbites from gay media outlets the world over and these quotes were published in gay publications all over the country.  It was a trip seeing my name being quoted next to Rosie O’Donnell, Ellen Degeneres and so forth.

It was also a real trip when respectable publications would get hate mail because they DARED to quote me.

I reckon, one should be careful what one writes; it does come back to haunt you in the not so faraway future.  The more intolerant one is, the more one is forced to eat shit — not that I’m haunted by these words, mind you–I actually find the AA quote kind of funny, but mostly because it speaks what was then my harsh truth.  I don’t know too many people who first walk into the rooms of recovery thinking that it’s going to be something that resembles anything remotely fun or cool.

I straight up didn’t give a fuck!

That is until I found myself completely fucked.  A change of heart was really a matter of choosing between life and death.  I could have stuck to my guns and ended up dead with a bullet to the brain via a bump of crystal meth, but I was never EVER out to off myself.  I liked me too much.  Ask anybody.

Of course my lil’ quote pissed some sobers off.  You best believe I had a new hole ripped into me via the letter’s section of FAB!.  People may be pissed off to this day, I honestly never know who read what back in those crazy years, but I honestly believe for the most part that people in the program with a sense of humor read the quote for what it was, which was–to add another quote: “methinks the lady doth protest too much.”

That quote came up–especially in early recovery when people from the program would hit me up at a meeting talkin’ about, “Hey, I remember you!  You’re that guy who wrote that column about … ”

I hear my name was also brought up during fellowship in that first year of recovery.  “That one is a mess,” they said behind my back.  “That one needs to make a lot of amends.”

Needless to say I had some problems.  I’m talkin’ about some SERIOUS problems.  But we all know the cliché, every crazy moment led to who am today, and today, I think I’m alright, so fuck it.

crazy years

West Hollywood Gay Pride 2006 — Let the countdown begin.

They say, more will be revealed.

And boy was it ever.












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About Paulo Murillo,

Paulo has been writing for the gay media for over 16 years. He made his debut as a columnist for FAB! Newspaper. He has written for LA Health News, IN Los Angeles, Frontiers and The Fight Magazine. He has been featured in The Bay Area Reporter, XY Magazine, Bay Windows, Windy Times, and Press Pass Q, He has been quoted in the pages of Edge Magazine, Gay & Lesbian Times, Seattle Gay News, Fuges, and in a shitload of online news outlets and blogs, thanks in large part to Rex Wocker’s Quote on Quote – Wockner Wire.

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