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July 10, 2017

GIVE ME COFFEE DAMN YOU!!!


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the hiss fit by paulo murillo

 

I could not explain it.  One day I found myself feeling sluggish in the middle of the day.  I’m talkin’ about I took two naps in the afternoon, which I rarely do, on account of naps have a tendency to make me feel like a lazy ass–and on the rare occasions that I do snooze, I only allow myself a good 10 minutes or so–and even then, I still snap out of it feeling guilty as all hell and going, “What am I doing with my LIFE!!!???”

Yet there I was unable to keep my eyes open in the middle of the day, curled up on the couch with a white warm fluffy dumb dog at my feet.  My partner was also not feeling too well.  He had a headache and felt a little run down.  We figured we were both getting sick to mark the end of summer.

My friends called me tired.  I was like, “Bitch, you ain’t nevah HAD me!  I’m unrested darrrlink, NEVER tired—”

Yet the days wore on and I started seeing some serious under-eye baggage on my mug, which I rarely get;  I read somewhere that you should always sleep with your head on a pillow, elevated above your body, so that blood doesn’t rush to your head in your sleep, which causes your eyes to puff up like two swollen vajays.  You best believe that I jam so many pillows under my head, that I practically sleep sitting up.

It was about four days of sluggishness.  This whole time I had been drinking coffee at home.  Then I went to Starbucks to meet a friend and I was like “GAWD … DAMN!  What’s in this thing!?”  The coffee was strong that morning.  My ass was sooo cracked out, I felt tingly and jittery and a few times I thought I was gonna hork.  That shit felt sooo good.

Then I get a call from my partner later that day. “Babe,” he said. “I figured out why we haven’t been feeling so energetic lately … ”

photo (82)

Turned out we were drinking the Decaf version of Caffe Verona the whole time we were feeling sluggish.

DECAFFEINATED COFFEE!!!

I seriously never understood the point?  It makes me want to hurt some people.

It brought up a dilemma for me.  Without meaning to, I was on the verge of kicking my coffee habit.  On the one hand, coffee is my only vice; I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, or gamble, I’m not some alien sex fiend, and I try not to eat anywhere that has a drive-through.

I like my cup of coffee in the morning.

On the other hand, I hate that I need coffee to start my day.  Coffee is not that great for you; it dehydrates you, it’s bad for your bones, it has aging components, it stains your teeth and I have a hard time ignoring that warning sign that I read every time I stand in line to purchase my Venti Bold.  I’m talkin’ about the sign that reads something about how coffee can cause cancer (“Cancer?” That’s hilarious.”)–and speaking of purchases: I would also save a couple of hundred a month on that damn cup of Joe.

So … do I continue on the decaffeinated path and gradually shed all traces of coffee caffeine from my body … and walk around with saggy baggage under my eyes?  And continue taking naps?

Or do I live a little, life is short, and continue to start my day with a delicious steaming cup of coffee?

With some room for cancer please.

What to do?

What to do?

Luv,
Me

 

 

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About Paulo Murillo,

Paulo has been writing for the gay media for over 16 years. He made his debut as a columnist for FAB! Newspaper. He has written for LA Health News, IN Los Angeles, Frontiers and The Fight Magazine. He has been featured in The Bay Area Reporter, XY Magazine, Bay Windows, Windy Times, and Press Pass Q, He has been quoted in the pages of Edge Magazine, Gay & Lesbian Times, Seattle Gay News, Fuges, and in a shitload of online news outlets and blogs, thanks in large part to Rex Wocker’s Quote on Quote – Wockner Wire.

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