New Year’s Eve 2014 was interesting.
This year I skipped the sober dance #BOOM in West Hollywood to go to a NYE party that was umm … not in WeHo.
Getting ready for the party was way more fun than the actual party, but in all fairness, I don’t know how to gauge, how a good NYE party is supposed to look or feel these dayz, on account of the NYE parties I have been attending for the past 8 years have all been missing the main element that makes a NYE party, a umm … NYE party, which is the boozing and whatever comes after it.
I try to make the best of what I can with what I’ve got on NYE, completely clean and sober. It sounds lame, I know, but the big payoff comes on January 1, when I wake up feeling fresh, shiny and new. No more looking completely destroyed (or as we used to say back in the dayz: tore up from the floor up). A sober New Years means no combing unfamiliar streets looking for your car the morning after. No more waking up with some strange guy hanging out at your place and not knowing if he’s the remains of a hookup, or if your ass is being robbed. I’m talking about waking up in the morning like a normal human being and not in the middle of the afternoon. I’m talking about starting the New Year the right way.
And speaking of levels of wrongness … so I went to this New Year’s Eve party to kick 2014 to the left.
And the DJ forgot the New Year’s Eve countdown.
Don’t ask me how that happened. The one job a DJ has on NYE is to keep track of the countdown. We all knew it was coming. We gathered around his station and waited for him to do what DJ’s do on NYE, but then we looked at our phones and the time flashed 12:01 a.m. The year was GONE!!! There was no counting down 2014 for yours truly or anyone who gathered around that worthless DJ. We were all like what in the ffff…??? People hugged and kissed as an after thought, but the whole thing didn’t feel right. NOW, it’s like my ass is stuck in 2014 limbo, because I didn’t get counted off into the New Year accordingly. Stewpid DJ. I hate him.
Then the music stopped. And everyone was sent home at around 12:15. No lie.
At around 12:30, my phone started blowing up with text messages from WeHO. According to reports, the #BOOM! party was a lot of fun, but people could not stop talking about the queen who shat on the walls of the men’s restroom during party. Some tweaker straight up sprayed the wall and made a run for it. It was like a sober hate crime. I couldn’t believe it. I later spoke to one of the organizers, who said that if the worst thing that happened that night was somebody missing the toilet, then it was a successful party.
Another organizer wasn’t so pleased by the mishap. “I want to know who it was” he told me heatedly. “They will regret not having a colostomy bag on them.”
And that pretty much sums up my NYE 2014.
Sorry, but no year in review here—however, 2014 did end with some newly released Madonna music and a promise of more to come in early 2015, so the end of the year was not all that bad.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, … FFFTTTTPPPBBBBTTTTTFFFFSHRATTTTATTTAT