I absolutely love it when I run into obscure Hollywood characters that look like fabulous freaks of nature (FFON) who jump right out of a vintage John Waters or David Lynch flick. I’m talkin’ about those colorful characters bordering on the insane that make your chin (or chins) drop to the ground and do a double take. Of course, you have Angeline, The Billboard Queen and my favorite–West Hollywood’s Dragzilla/Dragorilla. Then we have the fabulous Francine Dancer.
Anyone know or remember Francine Dancer?
I completely forgot about Francine until I saw her … um … walking her wheelchair down Santa Monica Boulevard the other day (instead of using her arms to get her wheelchair rolling, she lets her platform sandals do all the pulling).
Known as Francine Angel Dancer on Facebook, Francine is a former Public Access Channel personality who used to have a variety show called The Francine Dancer Show waaayyy back in the dayz when a Public Access Channel existed. I swear to you, you don’t get a better FFON than this dancing rock ‘n’ roll sex granny, who’s known for her gyrations to some Heavy Metal music while wearing some barely there costumes that mostly consist of granny panties and some sort of sparkly top—oh yeah and eyeliner; lots and LOTS of eyeliner.
This husky hussy makes Angeline look like … well … they’re both fabulous and freaky-looking as all fuck, let’s-be-for-real-here. Little is known about this obscure woman. The weird thing about her (there’s actually a long list), or what I find interesting is how she gets around on a wheelchair, but she has no problem shaking her booty to an electric guitar. She says she’s wheelchair bound due to arthritis, but the woman can dance. And she can pretend to sing and pretend to play musical instruments as well. She clearly has aspirations that are part rock-n-roll goddess/part trampy 60s stripper/part blonde Hollywood starlet/and part vintage hooker.
One can’t mention Francine Dancer without mentioning her sidekick Stary Dancer. Stary (not a misspelling) is some sort of roadie. Her role as roadie is clearly to make Francine look pretty, on account of Stary looks so damn scary. I’m talkin about a creepy looking mannequin that has been molded into Francine’s image. I didn’t know what to make a Stary when I saw photos of her towering over Francine, but I LOLed when I found that she also has a Facebook page.
Francine Dancer’s videos seriously smack of a bad LSD trip, but they make me happy. I don’t know how, or who came up with the concept; I don’t know who put them together for her, but lucky for us, some of her greatest moments live on in YouTube–the new form of public access.
Today, one can find Francine Dancer making good use of public transportation. Those who know her are in for a real treat. She won’t hold a magazine over her face, try to sell you a t-shirt, or charge you to take her photo. I hear she’s very sweet.
I HEART FRANCINE DANCER!