Madonna has been getting into a shit load of trouble lately for flashing sacrilegious Catholic imagery, flashing guns in a no gun-flashing zone, and flashing swastikas on the foreheads of French nationals during her MDNA 30-nation world tour. But nothing has stirred the shit more than Madonna flashing her tit for a split-second during the performance of her Human Nature number where she’s at her most unapologetic singing: “I’m not sorry. It’s human nature. I’m not your bitch, don’t hang your shit on me. It’s human nature.”
There was an immediate outcry from haters that cited she should put that old tit away and throw in the towel. They have called her out for being nasty, desperate for attention, sad, ancient, tired, shameless, washed up, a has-been, and they love to drop those digits that are her actual age for emphasis–should we forget how old she is. Then they go right back to saying she’s too old, she dates back to the Jurassic, they call her a hag and then they compare her to obvious Madonna’s wannabes that are half her age like (sigh) Lady Gaga.
They can’t mention Madonna without pointing out her age–even when they love her and defend her–they have to go there. They write about the injustices of being a woman of certain years; they debate about sexism and ageism and then it’s like they HAVE to drop how long she has been on this planet—Tom Cruise on the other hand is only 3 years younger than M, but nobody taps into his expiration date when he rips his shirt off and bares his nipples pretending to rock out at a fake concert setting in that embarrassing movie Rock of Ages—however, if you Google the words “How old is Madonna,” her age pops up big and bold on the headlines of a long list of articles and blogs; do the same Google search for George Clooney’s age and you have to dig through some heavy typeset to get to that number even though he’s also up there in age.
Sadly, the people that hate her for being too old are the people who are clearly projecting and enrolling her into their own insecure nonsense–meaning they are not so young themselves. Piers Morgan is 47 years old. He is one of the biggest Madonna bashers right next to Elton John (another obnoxious Loony-Toon that’s long on the tooth). Morgan goes for Madonna’s throat constantly and unprofessionally and is very vocal about his bitterness toward her because his sorry ass was cheated out of a scoop from M’s camp way back when Madonna was pregnant with Lola. He was one of the first to cry FOUL and FAIL when Madonna recently flashed her tit at her tour, calling her act desperate and saying that she’s too old. Of course, he only goes there because he knows how the system works. From where he sits, he’s allowed to age like Larry King (alas, his delivery is boring and he is lacking the class act that was Larry King; I predict his show will sink in the US way before Madonna’s tits)—the biggest shit-kicker about Piers Morgan is that I wouldn’t know anything about his existence, nor would he have any business in this here Hiss Fit, if he had not uttered the words “Madonna.”
Also sadly, women can be the biggest sexists of all when comes to other women. I totally get that women have their own secret code of conduct; they dress for each other, they size each other up and they have their own language and pecking order—however, if it sounds like jealousy, looks like jealousy and reeks of jealousy, then it is straight up to the head up JELLY served on an old crusty slice of toast!!! Fuck me for saying so, but women should not hate M for doing what she does. They should celebrate it for reasons that are long-winded and too obvious to list here.
People say Madonna is desperate for attention when she flashes her breasts. If that’s the case, then Madonna has always been desperate throughout her entire career. It’s funny how people forget. People forget that Madonna lost her mother to breast cancer when she was a little girl (not that it means anything, but if you didn’t lose ’em, flaunt ’em). People forget that Madonna flashed her beautiful breasts for art students and photographers in those early years, waaayyy before she flashed her belly-button in the Lucky Star video. People forget that Madonna has been flashing her boobs and pushing buttons, breaking taboos, crossing boundaries, and promoting sexuality, mixed with sensuality, mixed with Catholic perversion, mixed with gay innuendo, mixed violence, mixed with spirituality, mixed with power tripping and the bitch continues to be in the mix.
I say let her if do her thing. We’re all older than we were yesterday. Why take her tits personally. Her tits have NOTHING to do with you.
Below is a celebration of Madonna’s breasts in all their grand non-silicone glory. Boobs do absolutely nothing for me. These images are merely works of art where my book is concerned—however, if tits give you a boner, or if you find a woman’s breasts offensive in any way, shape or form, that’s your stuff and your stuff has nothing to do me or with this blog.
So leave my ass out of it.
And speaking of Madonna’s tits, you can also kiss this…