I told everybody not to tell nobody that the West Hollywood 24-Hour Fitness would not open until sometime in April on account of they tore down a wrong wall, or some stooopid shit along those lines. That’s what a trusted employee at the 24-Hour Arclight told me (not to tell nobody).
Then I heard they were opening on Jan 6, but the 6th came and went and the construction workers (not the cutest of the bunch, let-me-just-tell-you) were still on full speed hustle and bustle to nip and tuck and lift and cut and botox the shit out of the poor Weho gym to get her up to par for a grand opening sometime this month.
I walked by and snapped some quick shots these past months to chronicle the progress going on inside. It appears like they started with the biggest problem area in the entire building. They gutted the men’s wet areas and then they worked their way into the aerobics rooms and main lobby. I shudder at the thought of all that nasty man seed that has met its immediate demise all over the spot where the men’s steam room once stood for the past many decades. And I’m left to wonder if any of these poor construction workers went home with a super duper strain of a staph infection festering all over they skin (there was seriously one cute construction guy in the whole lot. He’s a tall thin dark haired fellow with chiseled features; he was real pretty and he looked pretty lazy–that’s how pretty peeps do).
Yesterday I saw a familiar scene. A bunch of guys with tight bodies dressed in matching black polo shirts and black slacks gathered inside the lobby area of the gym, shaking hands. Black shirts and slacks can only add up to a bunch of corporate fucks. Then it trickles down the ladder from blue shirts to red. I was reminded of the rough takeover of ’98 (or so) when I was working for what was then known as The West Hollywood Bally’s Sports Connection. The shirts were purple back then. 24-hours had purchased 4 Sports Connection gyms, Weho being one of them. They marched in from a very conservative faraway land known as Orange County. The women were perky with bogging blond ponytails and the men walked around with a sour deadpan face, clearly upset that they had been transferred to a faggy gym—the Site Manager was some fat ugly homophobic Italian fuck with thick hair coming out of his collar and thin hair plugs neatly lined around his forehead. His name is Tony Someshit-or-Other. I remember that nasty pig fucker made it clear that he did not like us Weho gays. He straight up joked about the straight team vs. the gay team. And if any of the Orange County guys got friendly with us, they got teased of batting for our team. Stupid I know, but keep in mind that it was hip to be homophobic back then—not to be mean, but fat guys like that have no business selling fit memberships.
I remember Tony Someshit-or-Other was looking around the gym with a mean look on his face. He was determined to get a playroom for children at the Weho gym. They tore down the rainbow flags in the lobby and informed us that this was no longer a gay gym (I kid you not kiddies). They called it a family gym and a Kids Club would finalize this new setup—unfortunately there were three children living in West Hollywood at the time (or so). They belonged to gay couples who could afford a baby and therefore could afford a better gym (“Babies don’t cost money, they MAKE money. Especially these white ones.” –Jerry Blank of Strangers With Candy). They went for a retail store, which failed miserably, but that’s all in the past now. It’s all changed. It took over ten years, but the dreams of a Kids Club has been realized. It now stands were gay men used to gather and dish about the goings on in Boystown waaaayyyy back in the dayz when this town really was for boz. I guess a Kid’s Club makes sense today. I can’t WAIT to dive into the new jungle gym. And so it goes!
SOOOoooo…putting my resentments of that fat conservative Italian homophobic fuck aside, the new and much improved West Hollywood 24-Hours Fitness Gym is officially open for business today. And it couldn’t happen at a better time. Construction hurt businesses all around the city and I must admit that my fellow Weho citizens have also been putting on the pounds, so thank gawd for local fitness.
I have to recognize that it has definitely been worth the wait. The new gym is nice. Real nice. I walked in today feeling like the new kid in school. I didn’t know where anything was. There was definitely more focus in changing the downstairs area, but the upstairs workout floor is lined up with brand spanking new machines. I never thought I would see the day. It brought a tear to my eye (metaphorically speaking people). I was like, “What’s this? What’s this? There’s newness everywhere! What’s this? What this…?” We finally have new cable machines. No more plates getting stuck together and then come crashing down to make a loud bang from being so damn old. There’s a lot of new faces working behind the desk, but it’s nice to see familiar trainers walking around with proud smiles. And YESS, the steam room is now unisex, making jerking off and sucking dick THAT much more exciting. It’s by the pool, so you can only imagine what will happen at the crack of dawn and when night falls. I predict women will have unpleasant run-ins with a throbbing cock or two in the steamy mist and be afraid to enter that hot box again, but we shall see.
My only beef with the new setup is that there’s a lot of open space, like there should be more machines. We have an incline and decline chest plate machine, but no flat bench, which totally sucks. I’m curious see if more machines are coming, and if not, how the new setup will work during prime time hours, because there seems to be less. There was also talks about how it is now a Super Sport, but I don’t see the word Super anywhere in the gym, so that must be yet another rumor. And of course it is NOT open 24-hours and probably will never be if the neighbors next door have their say—I remember people used to complain to me when I used to work there about being called 24-hours, but not being open for 24 hours—“Sorry sir, the name refers to 24 hours OF fitness, meaning you should get your 8 hours of rest in between. Thank youuuu…,” I would tell them. “Oh you’re real funny…” They would respond annoyingly.
Overall though, not too many complaints. Hello new Weho 24. Goodbye Weho pooches.