I found this ad inside one of the gay rags for this year’s pride issue. So drink up bitches, cuz beer and fruity vodka cocktails are what bind us with pride, while a grimy crack pipe tarnishes us in disconnected shame. Notice how pretty and colorful those rainbow drinks look? The message is clear: Alcohol is cute. Smocking crack and crystal kills. Man, if I don’t drink, does that make me less proud?
It seems like the instant you come out as a newly openly mo, someone hands you a cocktail. YOU HAVE ARRIVED!!! Then cut to the familiar scene at any pride festival. I’m referring to the sweaty bitch that’s all tanked and plastered to the pavement with grass stains on his forehead and chunks of someone else’s vomit splattered all over his rainbow colored beads. I’ve seen it happen. Talk about the exact opposite of anything resembling a prideful moment.
Although I must admit…even though the fruity cocktail looks all pretty and tasty, I kinda/sorta mostly miss the first swig of an icy cold beer on a very hot day. Unfortunately that first swig will always lead to another, and that other drink is bound to lead my ass to the burnt crack pipe. I guess no matter how you slice it, the lesser of two evils is still evil.
I’m laying off the hooch and the dragon this pride festival.